- Chandler: What an interesting approach to guitar instruction. You know some might find it amusing. I myself find it regular.
- Joey: Who knows what I might say this time?
Chandler: If only there was something in your head to control the things you say!
- Monica: Do you realize that we’re getting married in just four weeks? Four weeks baby, FOUR WEEKS!
Chandler: Do you realize that you get louder every week?
- Chandler [as Roger]: Here’s some little known facts about couscous. They didn’t add the second cous until 1979.
- Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was nature’s way of telling you to die!
[Phoebe stares at him angrily.]
Chandler: But you’re not gonna die… I mean… you-you are going to die, but you’re not gonna die today… I wish I was dead.
- Chandler: Ross, just for my own piece of mind, you’re not married to anymore of us are you?
- Ross: I am going to make myself happy.
Chandler: Do you want us to leave the room?
Ross: I am going to do one thing that I have never done before. That, my friends, is my New Year’s resolution.
Phoebe: Ohh… that’s a good one. Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
Chandler: That’s a good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to find is a plane load of people whose New Year’s resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
- Mr. Treeger: Hey Duck, is Chick here?
Chandler [puzzled]: Yeah… Bunny Rabbit.
- Joanna: Wait, what are you doing?
Chandler: Getting dressed.
Chandler: Well, because when I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me.
- Joey: I-I can’t handle this, guys.
Chandler: You know, I can handle it! Handle’s my middle name. Actually, it’s the, uh, the middle part of my first name.
- Ross [on the phone]: Woah, woah, woah australopithicus isn’t supposed to be in that display.
Ross: No, no, no, no, Homo Habilis was erect, Homo Austrapalithicus was NEVER fully erect.
Chandler: Well maybe he was nervous
- Joey: Some girl ate Monica!
Monica: Shut up! The camera adds ten pounds!
Chandler: Oh. So how many cameras are actually on you?
- Chandler: I remember my father dressed in the red suit, the big black boots and the patent leather belt, sneaking around downstairs. He didn’t want anybody see him, but he’d be drunk so he’d stumble crash into something and wake everybody up.
Rachel: Well that doesn’t sound like a very merry Christmas.
Chandler: Who said anything about Christmas?
- Joey: That book got me through some tough times.
Melanie: [admiringly] There is a little child inside this man.
Chandler: Yes — the doctors say if they remove it, he’ll die.